The Phenomena of Middle Age

As a middle-ager, I've been liberated, in the sense, of knowing the difference between things that don't matter in life, and about the things that really do.

I can sniff out superficiality more easily, and count that a blessing.

My mortality has begun to cross my mind more often. And although, I know that science has shown great promise in extending our lives, the technology for extending my life will most likely be a bit late. The greed of money and power for controlling those decisions regarding my life extension will most likely be considered not necessary when compared with the attention given the younger set.

I'm middle-aged and unemployed, by choice.

I no longer saw myself in the role as a music teacher. It was quite a shock to have to admit that. I had seen myself as a music teacher since I was fourteen, and stayed with the process by obtaining my Bachelors of Music Education. I lived happily in that world of little people for a quarter of a century. That is, until I wasn't happy at all. Over the last few years, I had begun to hate getting up for that job.

I'd been pulled in a new direction, visual art/videography.

I'm not even sure I would be considered good, if my work was seen by a professional videographer. All I know is that I become lost in the practice of creating moving images, all packaged together, like digital pages from a personal diary.

I like working with the music and love playing with special effects. It's challenging and I want to learn how to be better at it.

Since I can't afford school, at the moment, (and, let's face it, I'm 55) I've decided to make life my classroom.

And to my teachers, I will say, "Teach me, critique me, and then hire me afterwards".


I've discovered that I have to flex my muscles in order to flex my brain.

I've also found that it's more difficult for me to stay as informed with what's going on in the world, or my country, for that matter.

If I do watch television, it's usually to watch a reality TV show.

And there I sit, watching other people live their lives. I'm just watching.

I look back too often upon those things I wish I had done differently. And I've spent too much time in trying to have a mate in life. It's just not going to happen. And I'm finally fine with that. I've accepted it. My fifties gave me that.

But with the accumulation of years, I had found myself becoming reticent.

I had begun to feel as though I had given up on getting back into the stream of life. I guess that's what 'burn out' feels like.

But, perhaps by saying goodbye and really meaning it to a relationship that meant something deeply to me at one time, was what catapulted me into action in 2008.

I have finally decided to stop living in the vapor trails of a romance that ended two years ago.

This year is my year of "undoing" broken promises. It's my year to show myself what I'm made of. I've sat on the sidelines far too long and I'm behind. I'll not listen to negative input from myself or others, but especially myself.

This is my year of action. This year is for me to practice saying YES, to life.