Abusers

Characteristics of Abusers

Low self-esteem (often covers this characteristic with over
Difficulty trusting people (sneaky, suspicious)
Lack of ability to nurture people
Striving to be "perfect" (seems to not admit to mistakes, readily)
Fear of losing control or just plain "losing" (HAS to win)
Out of touch with other feelings besides anger
Often extremely jealous and possessive (BIG WARNING SIGN) Jealousy is not love.
Blaming others for their own actions.

"He made me - You made me get this angry - etc."
Anger is a "choice". No one can take that control or power from you. NO ONE. You either stay balanced and reply with wisdom and an unbiased, unemotional response or you jump into the pit with them. Lessening you to their power-play instead.

Unable to handle stress in a constructive way.
Socially isolated - even if by choice
Often have conflicts with their spouse or live-in over parenting (where children are involved) how unfortunate for the children especially. How sad, and desperate for anyone to subject children to this sort of turmoil.

Think of the repercussions of this example: You want to keep the chain of abuse alive? Just let your kids see and hear you and your dysfunctional partner.

Warning signs -

Jealousy - intense envy and/or paranoia can lead to isolation of the victim (if they give in to their partner due to fear or some false respect)

If someone has experienced violence or witnessed abuse as a child - more questions should be asked and more research is needed. PERIOD. They will tell you all sorts of things that they think you WANT to hear. They will speak about their disgust with violence and make you think they are totally against that sort of thing. But ask them what they term as violence? or abuse? most will say - hitting, physical harm. There are many men and women that don't view destructive words as abuse. Some times, this can be more devastating than physical violence.

Hate talk -

How can you tell what the heart is like, really?

Watch them when they aren't sure you are watching as they interact with others. Especially children. Are they play-acting, is it recitation? Are they genuine and spontaneous? Watch how they respond to others when they are angry with them. Do they say things that should never be acted upon? Such as: I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire. These are hateful comments. These are warning signs that this person has some dangerous tendencies.

We can all learn how to be a socially, acceptable person. We know the rules, we know what is expected of us. But how do we know when someone is being "him or her" self? What is genuine?

Genuine - not counterfit, not artificial

There are a lot of smart cons out there in life. Think of Ted Bundy.
Now stop and think about the significant others in your own life.

What are some real warning signs of this type or class of people? Do they change their voices (not as in emulating because sometimes that is done out of some deep feeling of respect or wanting someone to be less afraid or you and more open) but do they change their voices, their personalities, in certain situations that take you by surprise perhaps.

Have they admitted freely in front of you to someone else about how they feel regarding an issue completely differently than they told you?

I can write about this because I have been abused and I have been an abuser. I shrink in stature to admit that, but the facts are laid before me.

I am an abuser because of my unfair criticism of my mate's choices. Nagging is a form of abuse, in my opinion. If what they were doing did not meet my approval, my responses or reactions have incited some of those inappropriate behaviors.

This can happen if the person you are with has what I term alcoholic/addiction tendencies. That could include co-dependency, or possessiveness or obsessiveness. I have practiced obsessiveness with those that I have fallen "in-love" with. When this behavior is spotted, it is not about love, it is about fear and control.

I am not a psychologist. I am not a doctor of any kind, but I do know the signs and the scenarios that accompany unhealthy behavior.