Chaotic Depair
I know at times I’m depressing – repressing – digressing.
Those times are when I’m stressing – regressing – digesting.
The hurt is in my mind. I’m blind. It’s a crime.
Depression is oppressing – not a blessing – suggesting hurt and pain.
My life should be uplifting – mind drifting – fun tripping.
Instead I pull the blinds and curl within and drift in sin – hating all within.
The pain can be subdued – it’s temporary – it’s so contrary.
My heart is misplaced – I feel displaced – Don’t see my face. I hide away.
I’m sad but trying not to be – I don’t want to see what’s become of me.
It’s hard to stand alone – unreachable by phone – not reachable by any means.
Is there a place to hide? Is there a place I can forget? Can I go for a while? Will I smile?
Some look and see a shell of what I used to be. Some others see what they want to see, not knowing me at all.
I’m tired of playing another’s role of what they thought or think I am.
Can I be someone else please? Will you show me what I need to do? Will it hurt?
Somewhere there are some answers for those who need rescued. Maybe I will help someone if I can help myself.
I dream of what it must be like to love and live without the fright of what I know for me is right. So many will be hurt by the choices calling me to flight.
I want my freedom from this call – please let me be – let me make my own mistakes – please don’t call me back – if I return – I’ll do so in my own time and in my own way.
Or else I’ll have another debt to pay – the pain I cause to those I love is simply too much for me to carry. Please let me go – forget my name – let me go – I want my life and not the one you choose for me.
Don’t ask me questions you know you’ll hate the answers to. Just love me for what I am or what I used to be to you. Keep your vision if you must, but please don’t ask me – simply trust.
Depression is my name. If you love me – you’re not sane.
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